There is something truly magical about growing older. I am not talking about the random aches and pains that appear out of nowhere, nor am I referring to the sudden realization that you now enjoy grocery shopping a little too much.
I am talking about the wisdom that comes with age—the kind of wisdom that makes you prioritize quality over quantity, let go of unnecessary expectations, and embrace the peace that comes with living a quieter life.
When I was younger, I believed that life was about having more. More friends, more events, more validation, more recognition. But as the years pass, I am realizing that life is not about having more but about having better. It is about having better relationships, better peace of mind, and better priorities. It is about understanding that sometimes, the things we used to chase so desperately do not matter as much as we thought they did.
Because, as a careleaver, expectations have shaped my life in ways most people cannot imagine.
Growing up in care, you quickly learn that expectations are a double-edged sword. Society expects you to struggle, yet when you prove them wrong, they expect you to carry yourself with an almost superhuman level of strength.
People assume that because you have survived hardship, you can handle anything. They assume that just because you have learned to navigate life independently, you do not need support. They assume that because you have made it this far, you do not have moments of vulnerability, loneliness, or exhaustion.
For a long time, I was always the strong, dependable, never-faltered one. I poured into others, hoping they would pour into me, too. I gave, hoping the love and care I had longed for in my early years would finally be reciprocated.
Quality Over Quantity: The Golden Rule of Adulthood
There was a time when I believed that having a large circle of friends was a sign of success. The more people I had in my life, the more loved I felt.
I would go out of my way to maintain friendships, attend every gathering, and be available for everyone at all times. But experience has taught me that numbers mean nothing if the relationships lack depth.
I have had seasons in my life where I showed up for people, supported them, and gave my all, only to realize that my presence was never truly valued. I have had moments where I celebrated people’s wins, stood by them in difficult times, and went out of my way to be there, only to realize that if I disappeared for a while, they would not even notice.
It was in those moments that I learned the difference between real connections and mere acquaintances.
Now, I no longer chase numbers. I would rather have a few solid friendships than a crowd of people who do not genuinely care. I would rather have a deep and meaningful conversation with one person than entertain shallow small talk with a dozen others. The older I get, the more I appreciate people who are consistent, genuine, and intentional.
Life becomes so much sweeter when you choose quality over quantity in every aspect—friendships, relationships, work, and even the way you spend your time.
Minimizing Expectations: The Key to Emotional Freedom
One of my biggest lessons is that expectation is the root of all disappointment. It took me years to fully understand this, but when I did, it changed my life.
Just because you invite someone over for dinner does not mean they will invite you in return. Just because you always remember someone’s birthday does not mean they will remember yours. Just because you go out of your way to be there for people does not mean they will do the same for you. Just because you celebrate someone’s success does not mean they will be happy for yours.
I used to take these things personally, but now I realize that people operate from their own perspectives, priorities, and capacities. Not everyone has the same heart as you. Not everyone sees relationships the way you do. And most importantly, not everyone owes you anything.
Once I let go of unrealistic expectations, life became a lot lighter. I stopped expecting people to return favors. I stopped expecting support in the same way I give it. I stopped assuming that my presence in someone’s life meant I held a special place in their heart. Now, I do things because I want to, not because I expect anything in return. I show up for people because it aligns with my values, not because I am waiting for reciprocity.
The less I expect, the more I appreciate. And the less I expect, the less I am disappointed.
The Illusion of Social Media: The Great Validation Trap
Social media is an interesting place. It has a way of making people assume they know everything about your life.
Have you ever had someone say, “You are doing so well!” simply because they saw you post a picture from a vacation? Meanwhile, you are secretly recovering from financial strain because that trip cost more than it should have.
Or perhaps someone assumes you are happy just because you posted a smiling picture, when in reality, you were struggling emotionally on the inside.
Social media has created a world where people make assumptions based on carefully curated posts. Some people even stop checking in on you because they assume that if you are posting, you must be okay. And worst of all, many people post not because they genuinely want to share, but because they are looking for validation.
The truth is, the most peaceful life is the one that is lived off social media. The less people know, the less they can judge. The less you share, the less you attract unnecessary opinions. The less validation you seek, the more confident you become in yourself.
As my significant other and I were recently discussing, the older one gets, the more they prioritize quality over quantity in every aspect of life. Friendships, conversations, commitments—everything begins to shift.
The Beauty of a Quiet Life
There is something incredibly precious about a quiet life. It is waking up without the pressure to prove anything. It is valuing solitude without feeling lonely. It is enjoying moments without the need to document them for the world to see.
A quiet life means fewer distractions. It means being present in the moment instead of worrying about how it looks to others. It means cherishing relationships that are built in private rather than relationships that are performed for public approval.
It also means freedom—freedom from unnecessary drama, freedom from societal expectations, and freedom from the exhausting need to be seen, heard, and validated.
And let me tell you, this kind of life is blissful.
So here I am, sipping tea and enjoying the beauty of a quieter life. I have traded large crowds for deep connections. I have let go of expectations that used to weigh me down. I have chosen peace over validation, quality over quantity, and privacy over unnecessary exposure.
The older I get, the more I realize that less is more—except when it comes to love, laughter, and good food. Those things? I will always take in abundance.
What about you? Have you also felt the shift from quantity to quality, from noise to peace? I would love to hear your thoughts—unless, of course, you are also on your journey to blissful silence. In that case, just nod in agreement from wherever you are. I will feel the e-n-e-r-g-y.
Post inspired by a conversation with my significant other.
CY
This is a very interesting read. I could share in most of these experiences.
Kudos.
Thank you so much for reading and for your kind words.